Germany is in uproar. The language authorities – something we English would never have, have given into those damn anglos. They have approved “the idiot’s apostrophe”. Well, in some uses and not others. 

Well, apart from being called idiots by the Germans (let thee who is innocent of idiocy cast the first stone and all that), this begs a bigger question, why are we using the apostrophe anyway, and how did it come into use? I know one thing for sure, it did not exist prior to 1066, so therefore is likely a foreign invention or at least by someone bent by foreign leanings which have ruled the land and language since then.

What does an apostrophe do?

An apostrophe performs two main functions in English. The first is as a contraction and the second is to indicate possession. Here are a few examples:

First, contractions:

• Do not becomes don’t
• Are not becomes aren’t
• It is becomes it’s
• Two of the clock becomes two o’clock
• 1963 becomes ‘63

Second, possession:

If Dave has a frisbee, then it is Dave’s frisbee.

If the word ends in an s, the apostrophe might be followed by an s, but it might not too. It is up to the person.

The exception is it. The possessive version of it. If a building has two entrances we would say that its two entrances are at the front and back. But we would also sat it’s a building with two entrances for the contraction written above. This exception is like the different spellings of flour and flower, designed to differentiate the two and reduce confusion. 

Third, particular plurals:

I said two main ones – plurals of letters or numbers. Here’s another.

If you want to ask how many times the letter S appears in Mississippi, you would ask “how many S’s in Mississippi.” Similarly, during a maths class you might ask how many times you could fit 3 into 12, so you would ask “how many 3’s in 12?”

Yes, the answer to both is 4. No, you do not use the apostrophe for any other plurals.

What is the ‘idiot’s apostrophe’?

Let’s track back a little, what are the new rules in Germany and what is this idiot’s apostrophe. Well, simply, the possessive form in German is just adding an s at the end. So, if Dieter has a cabbage it is Dieters cabbage and if Dieter has a cabbage shop, it would be Dieters Cabbage Shop. Well, now the shop name could be Dieter’s Cabbage Shop, but his cabbage would still be Dieters cabbage. Glad they cleared that up.

No, truly, the idiocy is the dumb rules. In English the idiot’s apostrophe is clear to see – when it is used for a plural. For example when someone writes greengrocer’s instead of greengrocers or Dieter has five cabbage’s. No. Just no. Or if you write 1920’s instead of 1920s. How all this came to be is beyond me – maybe the dumbing down of education and standards in the last few decades.

What did we use before the apostrophe?

So, how did we end up using this apostrophe and where does it come from? 

My first port of call and hint, is as ever, etymology. Where does the word come from? As you might expect from hearing it, this is a Latin/Greek word which has come to us via French. 

The ever great etymonline says:

““mark indicating an omitted letter,” 1580s, from French apostrophe, from Late Latin apostrophus, from Greek apostrophos (prosoidia) “(the accent of) turning away,” thus, a mark showing where a letter has been omitted, from apostrephein “avert, turn away,” from apo “off, away from” (see apo-) + strephein “to turn” (see strepto-).”

It also provides us with what came before. So, it basically means the accent of turning away, to indicate a removal of a letter. That makes sense with our contractions such as “isn’t” and “aren’t”, but what about the possessive apostrophe, what is it removing?

Helpfully, etymonline goes on to tell us that:

“In English, the mark often represents loss of -e- in -es, possessive ending. By 18c. it was being extended to all possessives, whether they ever had an -e- or not.”

That makes sense. So German’s might say Dieters cabbage, but we would say Peteres cabbage. In a world of typing I am not convinced that shift+7 is any faster than just typing the letter e. Maybe we should bring it back.

Though I am now wondering about witches – it is the month of Halloween as I write this. If one witch has a broom, it would be the witches broom, but what if three witches owned the same broom, would it be the witches broom or the witchese broom? Or witcheses broom?

Well, the -s or -es possessive was given to strong or masculine nouns while -e was given to feminine or weak nouns in Old English. Therefore, of the options I have just given you the answer would be the Witchese broom or if they had more than one the witchese brooms. However, this also changes the single witch with their single broom, which would then become the witche broom. 

It was easier with Dieters cabbage.

When did the Apostrophe Come into Use?

So now we know that we had an -es or -e possessive form prior to 1066 but by today it has morphed into the ‘s or ‘ and is no longer gendered. So, as with many major changes in English, this must have happened between 1066 and modern times – probably around the time that the French speaking upper class abandoned their Francophone ways and adopted their version of English instead.

There were several eras within which things shifted. The first was when the landed gentry started adopting English after generations of living and marrying in the land. This goes to around the time of Geoffrey Chaucer and his Middle English. Here we lost a lot of the gendering of words, and saw the wholesale adoption of Franco-Norman English. However, the etymology makes no mention of Franco-Norman. Etymonline also does mention the 1580s, so bit of a hint there.

Our elite never gave up their love of French. Even the first novel written and printed in English had a French title – Le Morte D’Arthur. This coincided with the second great shift – a change in pronunciation which occurred around the same time as the invention of and rolling out of the printing press. This brought in various changes to spelling and set out the domination of King’s English (Cyninges Ænglisċ). Many of these spelling changes such as turning hole into whole came about in the 15th century thanks to Flemish printers using Flemish standards on English.

If in doubt, blame the French

Enter Geoffroy Tory. With the exception of the spelling of Yacht, most confusions in English can be blamed on the French; specifically those who invaded in 1066 and their descendents who decided to remain after John lost the homeland in 1204. 

In the 1520s, Geoffroy Tory found himself in mourning. Born a decade after the invention of the printing press to a middle class family in Bourges, Geoffroy got himself a wonderful education in Latin in France and Italy, including the University of Bologna. He’d found himself working as a professor at the then College du Plessis, College de Coqueret, and the College de Bourgogne (Now the Collège du Plessis, Collège de Coqueret, and Collège de Bourgogne respectively).

Admittedly, this joke works better for those reading the article or looking at the video versions of this presentation.

So, after having studied a lot, taught a bit, and studied some more, Geoffroy found himself married to a widow named Pierrette, and the father of a beloved daughter, Agnes, later Agnès. He taught her Latin and shared his passions for book binding, engraving, and humanism. However, she passed away when she was 9 years old, leaving him distraught.

In his grief, Geoffroy turned to designing and printing books. The breakthrough came with The Book of Hours, which he revolutionised as a printed book by not replicating handwriting, but using what today we would call print. He also began the trend for book design in France, and as further design projects went along he introduced the apostrophe, acute accent, grave accent, and cedilla. Thus Agnes became Agnès, and college became Collège, and Dieters Cabbage Shop has now becomes Dieter’s Cabbage Shop.

Not because of an idiot’s apostrophe from England, but because of a grieving Frenchman who used an engraving of his daughter’s urn as his printer’s mark.

The use of the apostrophe in English began, later, in the 1580s, and it developed over time – particularly in the 17th century, where its usage moved from contractions to a noun’s genitive form.

However, few agreed on its usage – except we should all agree it does not belong in the middle of a plural! As a trendy import without clear rules, it has been used inconsistently. Even today people disagree on whether it is Chris’ or Chris’s. Indeed, great writers such as Shakespeare, Austen, and luminaries like Jefferson and Franklin were, themselves, inconsistent with its usage.

Incidentally, the English word for cabbage is colewort, or a bit older, just plain old cawel. Basically the same as modern German, kohl. Well, it’s actually Dieter’s Kohlladen I suppose.

Right then, I’m off to Peteres Cawelscoppa.